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Writer's pictureLauren Frazell

Why Gratitude is hard

Updated: Oct 12, 2024

Even when you have it all - or are actively achieving success

 

We get to a point in life where we know we have so much to be grateful for, but the constant effort and grind to maintain it can overshadow our ability to feel the joy of it.

 

Self-care and gratitude practices are everywhere. We hear messages of "take care of yourself" and "list your daily gratitude's". Many of us have doubled down, either through guilt, shame or desperation that anything might help. We double down - using the last bit of energy we have to schedule that brunch with a friend or the manicure (i.e.. Self-care). We buy a journal and sit with it every once in a while writing out the same list every time:


  1. I’m grateful for healthy children

  2. I'm grateful for a loving husband

  3. I'm grateful for a home and the food we can provide

 

We do these things - only to get momentary relief, best case. Worst case is feeling even more drained of energy than before and worse yet is feeling shame over the lack of fulfillment we are receiving. We look at our list of gratitude's and feel shame over the "first world problems" we are experiencing - we might even think of ourselves as selfish and entitled. How could we have so much and we can't even be grateful for it.

 

Once these thoughts take root in our own minds, they start to project outwards. We start to feel resentment toward the people we love in our lives. So often we look to them and begin to see flaws we hadn't before. Things start to fall apart and we begin protecting ourselves from the risk of loss. Usually by doing what we know best, the very thing that got us in this place to begin with, we put our head down and resume over-achieving.

 

The problem is not with you - and it isn't likely with the people you love either. You are not selfish and entitled, and the people around you likely want to support you however they can. The problem is that we are stuck in a cycle of achievement. We have gotten so wrapped up in the doing parts of life that we have forgotten how to rest. And we are exhausted.

 

If you are finding yourself in this part of life - the first thing to know is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not flawed. And you are certainly not alone. The second thing to know is that there is a way out of this cycle, a way that doesn't require you to make dramatic changes in your job or family (unless you choose to). The key is to learn to rest, you must teach your mind to silence and allow your nervous system to reset. It takes time and a little discomfort, but we are all capable of it because it is part of our natural state.

 



Contact me to learn more about mindfulness coaching and how I can help.


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